A Little Bit of Change Wouldn’t Hurt Us…

So, I’ve been thinking to change a little bit of tempo for this blog. I had discuss it with the second author and she agreed to it.

Let us introduce ourselves. IzFine is my best friend since our primary school years and we had been best friends ever since. Unfortunately, we are separated for most of the time–with her at UKM, Selangor and I’m at USM, Penang. Two different states and 600 kilometers away from each other.

I could take a flight from Selangor to Penang, you know. It’s that far.

Relationships are a fickle thing. Like fire, it needs to be tended or not it will go out or burn us. Therefore, I’ve decided to change a bit of the format of this blog into a somewhat letter, somewhat diary kind of way, as a present, or a way for my friend here to know what I’m doing and if I’m doing okay.

And she can do the same too.

You know, like the vlogbrothers in YouTube. Credits to them.

So, I would try to write every month and I hope this will be a motivation for me to do it.

Peace out 😀

 

February–The Start of A New Semester

To my friend,

Today is my first day of my new semester. I wasn’t stoked about it. In fact, I was having a hard time believing that my one-month vacation is over.

It took me a while to usher myself out of the room. There was this unnamed pull inside of me, telling me to stay inside and not meet people.

It was the people that scared me. My classmates and the bodies of students. I know people don’t stare but I feel like people are watching me, watching me to fall and fail.

I’ve been trying to gather courage and hope these few weeks of February. I was a bit ‘traumatic’ after the loneliness of my 2nd semester of my first year. I didn’t want things to repeat that way. The stress, the busy, the loneliness, trying to keep up with the current but drowning.

I put my earphones on and I walked out of my room. Goodbye, safe place.

My first class was General Microbiology (BOI207/3) and the lecturer was my favorite, Dr. Khayriyyah. She had taught me before for Microscopy and Histology Techniques last semester and I enjoyed her class very much. She loves to give chocolates.

Unfortunately, the air-conditioning wasn’t on, so we finished the class like super early. I ran to the library before the class–I arrived 20 mins early–and borrowed Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. I had make a goal that every month, I will borrow a good nonfiction book from the library along writing this blog. I hope I can keep on continuing this.

The one thing that I dislike the most about 2nd semesters is that the club programs are already starting and everyone wants to be first. I had to check if my paperwork is approved or not today and I was not ecstatic of going to an office.

You know how offices are. Quiet but unknown territory. Adults runs it. I feel like they look at us, at me, with a this annoyed disgust, with superiority. It makes me small.

Actually, in most situations, I feel small and insignificant.

But, I managed. And I’m glad, Alhamdulillah.

This first week of class, it might sound daunting as it is, but I hope I make it through. Tomorrow I’m going to attend an unregistered class, on Wednesday, I have my first German class and on Thursday, I have all-day workshop for Anugerah Tokoh Siswa.

Whatever this week, and the next upcoming month, I hope I always have hope that I can survive. Really, that’s what I need. Hope.

I hope you’re doing fine and well, my friend. See you next month.

SwiftlyEstel, Keep on Dreaming

Resolutions?

It feels too late to be talking about a new year and this is not even my first post for this year. I just love to write a letter of motivation and hope to myself every starting of the year.

Just a little reminder when the times get tough during the year, on why I do what I do. I forget sometimes, most of the times, it is inevitable. I would start the year strong, hopeful, confident~ yet, as times go on, I would feel useless and everything I do is futile.

Maybe I have mentioned it before, but making goals is something I dislike doing. Cause’ it would probably be the same each year, for many years especially as a student, it would be getting good grades and stuff like that.

It is getting repetitive and boring and sometimes disappointing.

I recently watched good videos on stuff like how to be a better person as cliche and dull as that sounds~ it was mind opening.

Maybe you all know this, and I am just late.

Instead of making goals, make a system. Instead of paying attention to the output, focus on your input.

So alternatively, I focus on how to be a good student.

Something my friend has said to me made me aware of what we always should do.

Anyway, it is the first day so lecturer is explaining the subject we are about to learn and how to pass this particular subject.

So for example he said, there were three reports and we had to score all of them high. Even if one of them was low despite the other reports being 100%  we would fail.

My friend turned to me looking surprised after he explained and sighed “Well, it is going to be tough this year”. Which I disagree.

It is tough every year, regardless of the conditions or what grade it takes to pass, you have to work hard.

So I was anxious but not for the same reason she was. I was anxious and always would be because I have high expectations for myself.

And truly, no matter what task you do or work, no matter how easy it is you have to give it your all.

I am not saying this as a lecture or nagging you… I am merely reminding myself cause’ I admit I tend to stray especially when it not always easy to always do your best.

Sometimes despite your best effort, you can’t satisfy yourself.

Sometimes despite your best effort, everyone is doing better.

Another thing I tend to do and need to remind myself to do is never compare your own with anyone else’s effort or accomplishment.

I would always lie or motivate myself anytime I start feeling lazy or want to get the easy way out is by telling myself, like~ Hey! You are only in chapter 1 but everyone else is in chapter 3.

I try to never assume that I am ahead of anyone or I can slack off a little cause everyone else probably is doing it too. Let it be. Let me be the only one who did the homework, I would lie by saying to myself everyone already did it and you are the only one who didn’t…

Anyway, those are the things that I try to do every year, since matriculation. I think all naturally good students probably would have known to do this since school days.

But now to think of a new addition to the system. Cause’ that is not enough.

I shall start with these that I learnt from the video I watched.

1) Read a lot. Read widely.
2) Don’t jump to conclusions
3) Create systems, not goals
4) Argue with yourself
5) Be willing to change your opinion
6) Write
7) Seek adversity
From Freedom in Thought- 7 Habits of Highly Effective Thinker

First Days are always Hectic

So, err, while I was figuring out whether I am ready or not for my 2nd semester, it came to me rather quickly.

Maybe it’s because that I traveled to USM alone. Or, maybe that I only stayed in Korea for three days and hoping for snow instead of more time with my family.

Yeah, it’s one over the other.

The thing is about USM, particularly my hostel Saujana, you have to wait to get your room keys back. By the end of the first semester, you have to give your keys back to the office so that the PJJ (Pendidikan Jarak Jauh) students and international students can use the hostel. You’ll get your keys on the day before your class start. And I tell you, it is not fun to wait for your keys when suddenly there was a change of time from 10 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon.

So, future USM students, be ready for the frustration of getting back as early as possible, so you don’t miss the time frame of getting your keys.

Anyway, I had these “feeling-like-an-adult” vibes the whole morning yesterday. I practically skipping the whole time. I was nearly late for class, which somehow makes me a bit excited. Maybe, because of the rush and all (I am weird, I know). I was literally eating breakfast (a slice of plain Gardenia bread is always considered as breakfast in university) as I rushed down the slope from my hostel to the bus stop on the other side of the big outside-of-the-campus road.

Did I tell you that if you got Restu, Saujana, and Tekun (RST) hostel in USM, it was basically an outside-of-the-campus hostel and you will suffer from walking and sometimes late for class because you suppose to wake up early but didn’t?

That’s a topic I will discuss later on.

Continuing my little extravaganza story of my first day: My first class of the week is Inorganic Chemistry (Horrah, Chemistry! My not-so favourite subject of the day). The lecturer had been nice. He was sporty kind of guy, mixing Malay, I mean Penang Malay, and English in his explanation. Other than that, he commented I sat too front up and as much I want to shrink in my seat and become a speck of dust, I was grinning like a half-idiot.

Before the class started, the lecturer before ours asked me what school are we all from. After I answered we all from School of Biological Sciences, he joked that we should all learn about lasers from him. Before he leave the room, he was scanning it and met my eye. He smiled sincerely and raised his hand in a goodbye.

I have a sudden clarity of coming to the next class earlier next week, so I had a chance to talk to this lecturer more.

I’ve been craving for waffles since I finished my last Finals paper last semester, so a friend of mine, Nasuha, and I went uphill to buy some delicious RM 3.00 chocolate waffles beside the ko-op store. Recommended waffle stand in USM.

We waited for the next class as we ate the waffles, chatting at the same time. I was feeling like I am in a cloud or something. It took so much effort to chat and I am doing it like it wouldn’t be draining me after a few hours.

Which of course it did. The class got cancelled and we headed back to our hostel using the USM shuttle bus. I cleaned up the rest of my ungodly stuff and room when two problems hit my door.

My BSMM (Red Cresent Malaysia) uniform is not following the wanted standards set up by my seniors and the fact that I have to set up an appoinment with my Academic Advisor before next week doesn’t help my situation at all.

And I realized one thing. My parents always handle most of my matters involving school. Especially for my uniforms.

It went down quite quickly. I was scrambling for a tailor or a shop that sells ko-k uniform clothes. I was worrying who would want to go with me to the store. Finding a companion to go outside campus is always a harrowing experience for me. At the same time, I was emailing my Professor whether Wednesday would be a good time to see him. By nighttime, I just want to hit the bed and never wake up to this kind of problems again. In fact, I wished I don’t have to face anybody tomorrow.

Yeah, I know it’s a bit wimpy to complain, but to tell you the truth, when you are so used to have your parents solve everything for you, it will be hard when you start living alone.

Lesson learnt: If you want to save money by using your old BSMM uniforms rather than letting the BSMM seniors take care of buying one for you, always show your uniform first to the senior before making that decision.

Quite the first day for me.

Swiftly Estel-ing

 

 

Looking Back First Semester

When you were so busy with your family moving out of the house, you kind of forgot the few days left of your semester break.

That’s what happen to me, succinctly said. When I arrived in this cold land, I realized I had only few days before I ride the plane back to Malaysia. And the reason why I am going back so early instead of staying in Korea for a week was that my second semester of my first year of my undergraduate degree is going to start soon.

That seemed so mouthful to say.

It seemed like yesterday I had my first class, which was Organic Chemistry by the way. It seemed like yesterday I rode in the USM shuttle bus like a pack of sardines and I walked the endless meters going from one class to another.

Cliché much?

It seemed different than my high school. It wasn’t so similar to my Foundation year. Especially the fact that the classes in USM are very far from my hostel compare to my Foundation year.

The thing about going into university is that I had to constantly remind myself that I am older now. I had to remind myself that I am practically an adult now. I have responsibilities. My parents are not going to wholly protect me or cuddle me anymore.

This is where I wish I am a cat or a child or a tree. Or something that’s remotely not an adult human.

Anyway, it is safe to say that I experience so much in one semester and I want to share it with you.

And well, the first thing first, when you first enter university, when you first step in that university compound, DON’T PANIC. YOU ARE CERTAINLY NOT GOING TO DIE.

Yeah, it’s new and all, and you thought that you are not ready for it, you still want to lay underneath the blankets of your own bed, you still want to watch constant hours of YouTube and all, but you ARE ready for it. Believe in chance and faith that you are in the right place and in the right time. Believe that whatever you are experiencing will make you a stronger self.

Here’s a tip list, just for funsies, you know. Also, I’m bored. I have no idea what to write. So, I write whatever comes into my mind.

Oh wait, here’s a tip list on how to survive those first few weeks of your first semester.

Tip #1: Find a senior or a number of them to trust. This is not some kind of boarding school where the seniors will bully you. Remember, they had went nearly the same experience you had went through. They will help in some way or another. Because in the end, we all wanted good to be spread among us.

Tip #2: Alwyas bring your umbrella around. No, I am serious. Don’t laugh. It’s good thing to use when it is hot or raining (Malaysia, you know) and it is a good use to collect some good friends along the way. (It was raining this one time and the bus is unavailable because it’s Friday prayer. My acquitance didn’t bring an umbrella, so we walked back in the rain and pass through the puddles under the same umbrella, all wet).

Tip #3: Be ready to walk. Buy good shoes that doesn’t slowly murder your feet. We are talking about 15 to 30 minutes of walking here. Sometimes an hour, depending on your campus size. In fact, buy two good shoes. My BM teacher once said that it was better to have two shoes rather than one, so you could switch one to another the next day. The shoes will last longer. Trust me.

Tip #4: Get to know your way around campus as quickly as possible. Download an app that shows around campus (USM Survival Kit is available in PlayStore). Get to know the bus routes and times. Know some numbers for student cab for going out of campus, or download Uber/Grab. Seriously find out where the campus clinic is.

Here’s last. I think I wrote pretty enough.

Tip #5: Have fun.

First semester had been rough but it was a fulfilling experience to went through. I rode my first flight home alone here. I host my first program here. I got the most unhelpful teammates here. I find out I could be ridiculously depressive here. I care about a guy’s health here.

It was difficult to be far from home. But, it was fulfilling to know that I am learning to become an adult here in USM.

My final last say is that no matter what, as you enter that first year of undergraduate degree, take the best of what you can.

Swiftly Estel-ing