I climbed on the D bus, weary and tired, even though it was still 11 in the morning. I sat at the third row from up front at the left side of the bus. I sat near the window with the sunlight streamed through the big and wide glass windows of the bus. The bus moved, it gears whirred, the air conditioned cooled. It screeched at every stop, waiting for the students to climb on.
I looked out the window as the scenery past by. From the SK halls, to the roundabout of peace, up it goes to SOLLAT hill and towards the closed Anjung Budi. The bus kept climbing the hill, the highest point in USM, and the scenery; it changes from its tall trees with its widespread leaves and to the open blue sky.
The sea. I could see the sea from here. The Penang bridge that stretched to the mainland and the island, kilometers from offshore, was what that I could see.
It brings tears to my eyes.
It’s done. It’s finally the end.
Goodbye First Year. I’m leaving for home today.
The wondrous thing about the end you’ll always looked back of what you had been through. I admit, in this one year, I had been through tons of experience and I’ll share with you today.
Being a university student, it’s different from being a student in high school. It’s obvious, you might say as you roll your eyes. But, what makes it different? The environment, the people, the syllabus. You grow to become independent. You grow to become someone new. I am a different person now than when I was when I started register for USM.
It’s a memorable experience and it’s the one you shouldn’t miss in your life.
Like seriously. Don’t waste your time in university.
At first, the thing that I need to get used to was waking up in a different bed from home everyday. But, I guess it’s okay for many of us Malaysians that went to a boarding school. So, let’s skip that.
The second was getting up and going to class alone. It was a weird feeling at first. You don’t know what to do. You keep looking at your watch, making sure you are not late. You keep looking at the class schedule, making sure you are not showing at the wrong time, at the wrong place.
The bus was hell-packed at the first day. Everybody was new. Everybody has no idea how the system work, how the culture rolls. But, you’ll get used to it. The newness become something common. The awkwardness, riding a bus like sardines, you just get used to it.
I was alone most of the time. I get clunky and awkward when I stick to people, waiting for them to come, just for the purpose to go together to class. Small talk was never my forte because in the end, we all ask the same thing.
“Dulu belajar kat mana?”
“Asal mana?”
And so on. (Is this the only questions that I have in my bank of things to talk about in small talk?)
We all just trying to learn.
Class. Coming from Asasi, I knew that the lecturers here are care-less what do you do to study. They teach, or you could say lecture, whatever the subject we are taking. Some are a bore and it makes me sleepy. Some lectures, they know what they are teaching and more, so those are interesting.
I sat up front at all of my classes. I don’t care if I was the only one sitting up front. I don’t care if no one else is sitting beside me. My only purpose of coming to class was to learn and I intend to get as much as I can even though I fall asleep in class.
I guess things started to change was when I went to an EXCO interview for a club that I had been interested in. I had this determination to join as many things as possible just because I wasn’t so active in school and Asasi. I got jealous, you know, watching my friends from Asasi gets busy with this and that stuff. I just want to belong somewhere.
I got the position and it went uphill? Or downhill? Depends on the situation.
I tell you, if you don’t get a position when you are first year in university, the experience will be different. You know how some people say that oh, I want to wait until second year to get busy with this and that program. No, it’s wrong. Open up your boundaries now. As an introvert, I know I get a little scared (No, a lot) when you join a program or go to an interview, alone at that. But, it makes you grow. It makes you get used to it. But, don’t like get involve so many until you can’t take it. Take small steps. Don’t rush but don’t sit there and wait for the opportunity to come. Don’t sit there and wait someone to come and invite you. Don’t be that person that just pegi-balik class.
I got a chance to host programs when I get a position to be the Penolong EXCO for Kampus Sejahtera, a club that its objective was to promote sustainability among students. I grew to become slightly confident in meetings. I learned how to handle a group of students that you don’t know. I learned how to give orders, to lead people. I learned that every successful program comes from a number of unsuccessful ones and many setbacks, from losing a member of your team to unaccepted letters.
I get back to my room, tired, everyday. My mind is preoccupied mostly about this and that program and on top of that, assignments and studies you need to do. There was a time that I was so tired that I feel asleep at the evening and wake-up 12 at midnight, missing Maghrib and a promise to meet up with my friend.
Staying up late was a common thing in students. I’ve done it but not too often as some students and my friends. I can’t stay up past ten and I got so unproductive by then. But, there are times that I get back to my room at 3 in the morning because of some project that my team and I did.
I heard from my friend at UiTM about the multitudes of programs she joined and host. She had it worse than me. Her teammates weren’t working together, letting the work all piled up on her. That’s also another thing that you need to look out for. Don’t be someone that let other people do the work. Please, I beg you. You know how awful it is to do everything by yourself? How tiring and how evil?
It was the stress of handling programs for the first time that makes it all goes downhill. My studies, I rarely opened books to recall back of what I had learned, except the times when I have to send in some work. I get lonely all the time because your roomie wasn’t the best pals on Earth like it used to back in Asasi.
It’s important to make good friends in university. Depending on your friends far away from you it’s heart-wrenching because you are always on hold, you are always on a life-line, clinging onto hope that was dashed every time it was only unanswered bluetick.
I lost two people in my family this year. My grandmother and my aunt. I went to my aunt’s funeral alone, without my family by my side, and I got depressed afterwards. Why? Because I was clinging onto hope that the people that I am close with will reach out to me and say that it’s okay and you can get through it.
I failed my Ecology test that week because I was too sad to move on with my life and I get it was kinda my fault that I didn’t reach out to people, I’m the one who stayed quiet, I’m the one who kept on smiling like nothing had happened.
University life, it might be hell but once you get through all that pain, it was a big, huge, relief.
That was the reason why I wanted to cry. God, I went through it all. The breakup with a guy who had used me, the stress of hosting programs, the studies that I don’t study, the numerous friends that care and don’t, the feeling of homesickness when your family is thousands kilometers away…I went through it all.
And now, I could close this one chapter in my book of life and start anew.
Melodramatic Stories 